Dithering

 

 (Picture Credit - Liane Davey)

Whenever people criticise me

They usually don’t know that

I am my Biggest Critic,

Beating myself up

Like Tyson Fury.

 

It’s how I spur myself on,

Hopefully to better things.

But what things?

I still don’t know.

 

Oh to have blind faith

And sense of Vocation

As many others do.

A solid set of Values.

A script to follow

Opinions to declare.

 

Instead I dither

Undecided

Lost in an ocean of ifs and buts.

Too bright and open-minded

For my own good.

 

Worse still, I’m oh so eager to please.

I think myself incorruptibly honest,

Yet the truth is,

I only tell people what I think

They want to know.

It’s how I was brought up.

 

But then again

Am I willing to fight

For what I stand for?

Should I really be Devil’s Advocate

Just to “stick up” for my views?

 

Better methinks to hold my counsel

Or be diplomatic

Which may be okay

So long as I actually decide

What I think and feel

Within myself.

 

And there’s the rub.

What do I stand for?

Do I really think for myself?

Like so many others,

Am I dragged along:

Brainwashed by Media hoo ha

And hype?

Superficial sound bytes

And rallying calls.

 

I need to search my soul

And find my true feelings

And beliefs.

I know that I Love Life

In most of its forms.

I’m all for Wellbeing

And The Common Good.

 

I need to focus

On these things:

On making the most of

This Paradise World

We seem bent on ruining.

 

In short

I must stoke those fires of Love

And enlighten others

To do the same.

 

Paul Butters

 

© PB 13\12\2021.